well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We are two peas in an std pod
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
