No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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