Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
