it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
