Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
