Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
