Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
