I need to stop coming to work sober
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
