I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
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