its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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