Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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