and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
