i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
