um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
