then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
