So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
