I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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