The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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