my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I don't deserve a penis
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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