I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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