i wish peter jackson would direct porn
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
