Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
