You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
There r osticjed everywhere
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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