i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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