Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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