i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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