Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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