When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
