jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
