Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
