he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
