i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
