after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
