Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
