But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
