Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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