Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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