So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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