Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
