i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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