Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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