walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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