i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
