halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
