is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
smell my finger.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize