Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
