dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
