Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
