I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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