So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize