Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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