I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
