the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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