no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
