This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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