i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
