So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
