I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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