i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
