If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
