That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
