The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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