dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
