I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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