youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize