Define "chronic" masturbator.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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