I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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