Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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