so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
