Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize