people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
