Where did you get a picture of my penis
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
