What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You did what with his pubic hair?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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